Stuck in Life’s Problems
Stuck is a word often heard and used in therapy sessions. I sometimes feel stuck in certain aspects of my life, but luckily there is a lot that can be done about it.
Often stuck can feel heavy, almost gloopy, and painful. It can be frustrating, disempowering, and angry. Being stuck can look like someone else’s fault or can make you the victim. Regardless of how it makes you feel, it can be very debilitating.
Stuck stops progress, impedes relationships and can cause a huge sense of failure, for most being stuck needs unsticking.
Stuck is also an illusion, but it doesn’t feel unreal when you are in it, though, does it?
What does it actually mean?
Think back to when things haven’t flowed as you’d like. When was it, where was it, and what did it mean to you? How did it hold you back, what did it feel like, and what, if any, were the implications?
Stuck comes from a low level of consciousness and feels a bit like getting lost in a dense forest. If you could fly, you would soar above the treetops to discover your pathway out, but here in the undergrowth, things look very different. This is why it is important to ask yourself regularly that if you were to elevate yourself above a situation, would your view be different?
Recently I have had numerous conversations with people experiencing just this. One example was a female client who told me about a former partner and father of her child. She told me that he didn’t listen to anything she had to say and used the kids to manipulate and get what he wanted. She was terrified he would take the children away. “He was very emotionally abusive. He’s out to get me.”
There is no doubt all of her feelings were valid and difficult, but I saw from above the treetops was something different. When I questioned what was happening, I heard a woman in a habitual pattern of negative relating based on what she thinks she knows her former partner’s mindset is at the time. Everything is negative.
Her habitualness of communicating with him generated the same unwanted and hurtful responses, regularly adding fuel to an already well light fire. But she was so hurt by what she perceives was happening that she is finding it very difficult to create new and more useful ways of electing responses that may elicit a different outcome.
We call it the therapeutic paradox. That on an unconscious/subconscious level, we create the same problem we are trying to avoid.
What is the solution?
Be a bird and fly above. Clear unhelpful responses using Cognitive Hypnotherapy or similar and see things from a different perspective.
Another conversation I’ve had was a client wanting to create a relationship. This lady had been in protective mode for several years; even her friends weren’t immune. She needed to work every hour she could, maintained perfect hair, make-up, and clothes at all times. Friends, colleagues, and relationships were very much on the outer edge.
By her mid 40’s she had a very successful career and a beautiful top market flat, in which she spent a lot of time alone in. She felt miserable.
What Made The Difference?
Again, a change in perspective of her situation. Seeing the bigger picture, new perspectives from fresh eyes and a more open heart will help in stepping outside the boundaries she confined herself behind.
I Get It. What Can I Do?
The problem with ‘stuck’ moments is that they feel very real and that realism blocks clarities path. This is why it is useful to have someone to work through things with. A Hypnotherapist can remind you that although the forest floor is familiar and somewhat comforting, soaring above can be a better way out.
What I often see is that my clients create feelings of not being able to move forward because of long-held falsities. Those beliefs created by our thoughts then create a sense of reality. We make it up all the time based on our current level of understanding of our past experiences, and so naturally, having someone to guide us into creating positives from past negatives, we can move on. Below are some key questions to ask:
- If you could park/lay to rest everything you know to be true, what would show itself to you?
- If you could believe something else was possible right now, what would it be?
- Who do you need around you to create that?
- What would you give differently, and what would you ask for differently if that were true?
What you have created is a possibility. The possibility is everything. Everything can be experienced differently if we open the box and step beyond its confines. And then a willingness to make change because becoming unstuck is a powerful thing, and only you know if you are ready to make the change.
If you are ready, enjoy exploring the different views, it really can be a wonderful journey to the other side of stuck.